Rumors!

I have heard rumors that someone wants to trade a painting for my Dominic original. How exciting -- my first art trade! In fact, it would be the first time I traded anything. I never even traded stuff in my lunch bag with other kids. I always ate what I was given.

Of course, a rumor is just a rumor. I haven’t had any explicit offers. But I am optimistic. I think all that is needed now is a little help from the universe. So I will once again make a universe directed declaration:

I want someone to trade a painting for my Dominic original.
I want someone to trade a painting for my Dominic original.
I want someone to trade a painting for my Dominic original.

Ok, universe. Do your thing.

I have also heard rumors that Dominic has drawn another picture that he wants to give to me. This time he has drawn a desert landscape. At least that is what I was told. I haven’t seen it yet. But I can’t wait. I’m almost inclined to think that I won’t need a Van Gogh if Dominic keeps it up. But then again, A Van Gogh would be nice. Yes indeed. A Van Gogh would be awfully nice.

Dominic

I haven’t received any offers to trade yet. So let me tell you a bit about the artist and the picture.

Dominic is eight. (He was seven when he drew that picture.) He likes to play sports, dance, play with his dogs, and eat. He has a highly refined philosophy of art, which he sums up with the following question: Hey, can I have some of your cake?

Dominic’s artistic training has come from a careful study of Shel Silverstein’s ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends’. There is widespread agreement that his mastery of existentialist themes traces directly to the poem ‘Sick’. Experts, however, have not been able to determine the source of his bold use of color, though there are two major theories: (1) He is rebelling in a brilliant though haphazard way against the black and white drawings in ‘Where the Sidewalk Ends’; (2) He has been watching SpongeBob SquarePants.

Dominic's picture doesn’t have a name; but I like to call it – Face With Line Through It. It clearly exhibits Dominic’s struggle with the sporadic anonymity of our internet-addicted youth culture. The line represents the schism between the personality, which was the dominant intellectual meme in the twentieth century, and then gene, which is and will continue to be the dominant intellectual meme in the twenty first century.

Experts estimate that Dominic’s painting is worth about 58 cents. I reckon it is worth at least a dollar.

So if anyone wants to trade a painting for my Dominic original, let me know.

Trading Up!

I don’t want to get all mystical. But I think the universe may have responded to my request. It hasn’t delivered me a Van Gogh. But it did give me an idea.

Have you ever heard of the red paper clip guy? He started with a red paper clip and traded up to a house

http://oneredpaperclip.blogspot.com/

It’s an amazing story. On the first trade he got a pen; and then he traded for a doorknob; and then a keg of beer and a bar light; and so on. Fourteen trades and one year later he had a house.

Well, if someone can trade up to a house from a red paper clip, I figure that I can trade up to a Van Gogh.

And I think I’ll start with a picture drawn by Dominic, my girlfriend’s eight-year-old nephew. It’s the one on the side over there. Yes, that’s what I’m going to do. I am going to trade Dominic’s original for a painting; and then I’ll trade that painting for another; and so on. Who knows? Maybe fourteen trades and one year later I’ll have a Van Gogh.

So anyone who wants to trade with me let me know. I’ll drive (or fly) to wherever you might be in order to trade with you.

The Universe

I can’t remember its name. But I remember hearing about a book according to which the key to life was asking the Universe for what you wanted.

Now, I must admit to being on the side of the skeptics. But you know what – I don’t care. What I care about is getting a Van Gogh. I mean, I really want a Van Gogh. And I’m wiling to try whatever I can. So just in case that book is right, I am now telling the universe:

I want a Van Gogh.
I want a Van Gogh.
I want a Van Gogh.

There. I said it three times. That should be enough. And I’ve even decided to make it easier on the universe. I am not asking to own a Van Gogh. No, I just want a Van Gogh to hang on my wall, even if it’s only for one night. So, here goes again:

I want a Van Gogh to hang on my wall, even if it’s only for one night.
I want a Van Gogh to hang on my wall, even if it’s only for one night.
I want a Van Gogh to hang on my wall, even if it’s only for one night.

So universe, if you are listening, you have some work to do. Throw me a bone. Just one little idea -- that’s all I need. How can I get a Van Gogh? How can I get a Van Gogh? Hmmmmmmmm….

Bad Ideas

I want a Van Gogh. I even know where I want to hang it. But how the hell am I going to get a Van Gogh?

Some ideas:

(1) Get a job that makes me lots of money; save, save and save some more; and then buy one.
Problem: Too much time and effort. Besides, I would need to make LOTS of money. Not going to happen.
(2) Steal one from a museum
Problem: Prison would really suck.
(3) Find someone who owns a Van Gogh and perform a sexual favor for it.
Problem: I ‘aint that sexy.

So I don’t know. If I am going to get a Van Gogh, I am going to need a better plan than what I’ve got so far. If there is anyone out there with any ideas about how I could get a Van Gogh, let me know.

A Crazy Dream

About a year ago I bought a beautiful restored house that was built in 1860. It has twelve-foot high ceilings, wood floors, plenty of nooks and crannies and a lovely porch. Not just that, but the history behind it is fascinating; it sits in a lovely neighborhood right across from a very old cemetery; my neighbors are fantastic; and it is a five minute walk to my office.

I must admit: I fucking love this house. As I have been living here the past year, however, one thought has kept popping into my head. This house is fantastic. But there is one thing that would put it quite literally over the top.

Now, before I tell you what that thing is, I’ll be the first to admit that this idea is utterly outlandish. Indeed, it is one of those thoughts that you don’t really want to tell anyone, except perhaps after you’ve had quite a few drinks and want to laugh at yourself and your crazy ideas. But I just can’t get rid of this thought. It’s like a stray cat that you feed a couple of times. It just keeps coming back; and when it does it gets harder and harder not to keep feeding it. So I’ve decided to take that cat in permanently and care for it. I am going to admit that I have this crazy idea. And I am going to see what I can do to make it come to fruition.

So here goes. In short, there is one thing that I want to have in this house, one thing that would make this historic beautifully cared for house a palace, one thing that I just can’t help imagining hanging on one of my walls. What is that one thing? A painting by Van Gogh.